


My Sweetest Friend

by mulderbaby



Series: Fictober 2020 [4]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Dana Scully Angst, Episode: s08e15 DeadAlive, F/M, Fox Mulder is Dead, Heavy Angst, Hurt Dana Scully, Implied Fox Mulder/Dana Scully, Pregnant Dana Scully
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27139636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mulderbaby/pseuds/mulderbaby
Summary: Fictober Day 13 Prompt: “That's the easy part"“What have I become, my sweetest friend?Everyone I know, goes away in the end.”-Johnny Cash, Hurt
Relationships: Fox Mulder & Dana Scully, Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Series: Fictober 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980989
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	My Sweetest Friend

"Mulder?"

She whispers softly enough not to disturb him, but with the kind of urgency that suggests she believes he might be listening.

"Did anyone ever try to tell you that everything happens for a reason?"

She listens to the storm as raindrops plummet into the ground with inexplicable force, as if it were cleansing the earth of its misdeeds, of all the dirt and grime and sin of the day. She feels its relentlessness as the wind sweeps through her auburn tresses, her coat beginning to cling to the skin underneath it as she allowed herself to be drenched in it, enveloped by the sheer brutality of every drop that pelted her. Maybe, she thinks, maybe the rain will cleanse her, too, as it does the ground on which she sits. Cleanse her of her guilt, her remorse over every deed left undone, every word left unsaid.

"I think it's stupid, Mulder. It's just so stupid."

She digs her heel into the dirt, kicking up a few pieces of it in front of her. The wind surges and she hugs her coat more tightly around her body, attempting to think of anything other than how much easier it'd be to stay warm out here if she could only have his arms around her.

"Whoever said that," she muses, rubbing her thumb over the enamel of the keychain he'd given her as a birthday gift, four years ago to the day. "Whoever said that obviously hasn't been paying enough attention to us." She smiles a little, feeling a few tears slip down her cheeks as she blinks.

"I guess that's the easy part, isn't it? Being the person who tells people that everything happens for a reason." She chuckles to herself, in disbelief that the people around her have had the audacity to speak such superficial words to her at a time like this. At a time like this when the world seemed to crumble before her feet with every step she took. A time like this when a sob threatened to escape her with every breath she took. How dare they suggest that such a futile phrase could provide her with even a sliver of the comfort she would need to be able to wake up every day for the rest of her life with her heart in shambles, a seemingly inextinguishable emptiness consuming her, looming like a shadow over her every hour of the day, and carry on as though nothing had happened.

"I always think of you when they say that to me." She pauses, flipping over the keychain to read the engraving on the back. "You'd never say something so stupid." She shook her head. "You'd laugh at them. So that's what I think about." She sniffles, forcing a smile. That's what he'd want, right?  
"You have the best laugh, Mulder. I don't know if I ever took the time to tell you that."

She swallows hard as it dawns upon her that there are so many things she hasn't told him.

"Mulder?"

She can no longer distinguish the rain which falls upon her cheeks from the tears that stream so freely down them.

"If everything happens for a reason," she pauses, taking a deep breath as a lump forms in her throat. "I don't know if I'd be able to live with myself if I had any part in this."

She buries her fingers in the dirt, clawing at it as she searched desperately for the right words to say to him.

"If there was anything I could've said.. anything I could have done.."

Her chest begins to heave as she feels the signature tightening of her throat, all of the emotions which had been building up in her threatening to pour down harder than the rain which falls from above.

"If I could just... Mulder, if I could just look at you, just hold you one more time.."

She sobs now, pleading with the world to forgive her of whatever sin she had committed which had deemed her deserving of the most heart wrenching pain she'd ever known. Pleading with whatever greater power she now believed in, or didn't believe in, to let her feel his touch, to be enveloped in the warmth of him, the security which only he could offer her.

"If I could just bring you back, I'd do anything, say anything.. anything you wanted to hear.."

She presses her cheek to the cold gravel, her fingernails scraping along the engraving of his name carved permanently upon it, the closest she'd ever get to touching him again.

"But if I can't bring you back.." she pauses, squeezing the keychain until it digs into her palm.

"Then you have to know, Mulder. I need you to know that I love you." She squeezes her eyes shut in an effort to fight back the rest of her tears, but it is no use. "And that I'm always, always going to love you." She slips her hand under her coat, over the small bump of her belly. "We'll always love you."

Body trembling, she pulls herself up onto her knees, diligently laying the keychain in the hole which she had dug in front of the headstone that bared his name on it, covering it back up with the dirt she had displaced and patting it carefully back into place before rising to her feet.

She looks up into the sky, at the plethora of stars which resided there, and thinks of Mulder's words to her when he spoke of the stars and of souls.

Taking one last look up at the stars, searching them for the soul of the man whom she had come to love so steadfastly, she prays that by some miracle, some incredible stroke of fate, that he may one day be hers to love again.


End file.
